Having spent years working with developers, I’ve gathered some priceless "tips" to help you master the art of being an outstandingly bad developer. Follow these steps, and you’ll soon earn the title of “The Grand Master of Mediocrity”:
1. Copy-Paste is Your Holy Grail
Why waste your precious time understanding code? Just throw everything at ChatGPT and let it handle the heavy lifting. Your mantra: "If ChatGPT can do it, why should I bother?"
2. Documentation? Never Heard of Her
Why explain what you're doing? Keep your work mysterious, like a treasure map from an old pirate tale. Every project you touch should feel like an unsolvable puzzle for those who come after you.
3. Debugging? Sounds Like a Netflix Series
Confused by a bug? No worries, just throw
print statements everywhere. If your code breaks, simply delete random prints until it "kind of works." Who needs precision anyway?4. Tests Are for the Weak
Why waste your valuable time writing tests? There’s a whole testing team, right? Let them earn their paycheck while you proudly mark all tasks as "Complete."
5. Avoid Code Reviews Like the Plague
Want to change a variable name? Don’t. The code works, so why touch it? Is there a 500-line function? Perfect, it’s a piece of historical art. Always scare your teammates with the classic line: “If you change even a single character, the entire server might explode!”
6. Who Cares About Business Logic?
Your job is to write code, not understand the business. Just make sure your code runs and looks pretty. Once your tasks are done, you’re free to binge-watch the latest episode of Squid Game.
7. Git Is Overrated
Commit messages? Branches? Please, who has time for that? Just dump everything into one massive branch. When you're done, merge it all into the
main branch and go grab a coffee.8. Knowledge Sharing? A Waste of Time
You’re a backend developer, so why should you care about frontend? If you’re on Android, what’s iOS to you? Stick to your tasks and use any spare time for your favorite time-wasting activities.
9. Communication and Teamwork Are Overrated
Soft skills? Meh. Your job is to code, not talk. Avoid team discussions at all costs. If someone asks for help, give them a cold stare and keep them at arm’s length. Remember: no eye contact, no distractions.
10. Keep This Post a Secret
Don’t share these golden tips with anyone. Let others work on themselves and grow, while you reign supreme as the one and only "Master of Mediocrity."
Now go forth and "excel" in your mediocrity—but don’t let anyone else in on the secret. After all, there’s only room for one “Great Unremarkable Developer” at the top! 😏
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